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Reality romance on ABC

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I asked my talented morning radio partner if she was planning to watch the season debut of The Bachelor. She reacted as if I asked her to eat a can of worms – or watch a Husker football game.

I believed a certain amount of our listening audience might be tuned in and want to chat about it so I took one for the team. I DVR’d the Bachelor. By the way, it’s listed as “Reality / romance”. Uh, this is like no reality romance I’ve ever witnessed. When I think of reality romance, I think of closing time at the Icky Nickel on a Friday Night. Now, that’ a show I’d watch LIVE.

Meet Ben Higgins. He’s this year’s studmuffin. He was born in Warsaw, Indiana and lives in Denver. Clearly, this proves ABC execs hold on tightly to the belief Midwestern men are hunky. It’s only a matter of time before we get a reality star in Siouxland. Ben seems like a nice guy. He has but one kryptonite – a fear of being unloveable …wait, isn’t that like the 50 Shades of Grey guy?

In one of the opening scenes we see 3 past Bachelor dudes counsel young Mr. Higgins. I can only think of all the pre-marriage summits we had with pastors of two different religions and how those conversations would have differed if Prince Farming were doling out the monogamy advice. Very odd.

As I’ve stated before, I have a weakness for teachers and social workers. I root for them every time. This season does not disappoint with a few teachers in the mix. One of the teachers has been stalking Ben on social media. At least she mad no reference to boiling a bunny. (Ok, there goes my rooting interest)

There’s a 23 year old retired tv anchor named Olivia. I say retired because she “apparently” quit her tv gig to pursue Mr. Higgins. I’ve become jaded. Did she really quit or was her contract nearing a conclusion? I’ve asked ABC9’s Jenna Rehnstrom investigate this matter. All tv people know each other, right?

One young lady dumped her real boyfriend to meet this potential boyfriend she’s only seen on tv. (uh, ok)

There was a hodge – podge of eccentric women, Doublemint twins whose occupation was listed as “twins”, outlandish women, normal women that received little time (Bruce Miller tells us those ladies always get sent home early), a lady hiking a football in a super tight dress, a lady with a rose hat (what is this – The Kentucky Derby?), a redhead who told Ben it was ok if he forgot her name – just call her Red Velvet (Yup I can see that on a wedding napking – Ben and Red Velvet… Is that better than Ben and Crazy?)

My 10 year old son walked in on “my assigned viewing” of The Bachelor. He watched the desperate attempt of one lady to gain Ben’s attention. He said “don’t get your hopes up lady”. Out of the mouth of babes…. (I may have learned more from my 10 year old so than this allotment of women). I departed this wisdom to my son “if your teacher asked you what you did last night, just tell her you were reading the Bible”.

That would have so been a better use of my time.

Let me know when the finale is on. My money is on Olivia. And by “money”, I mean she will get a plush tv gig on “Entertainment Tonight”.

Tony Michaels
I have no man card